So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Randomize
