she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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