the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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