i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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