so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I need to stop coming to work sober
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
you never un-have a 4some
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize