matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
