3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
whose parrot is this?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize