I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
