My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
