where does the pee come out of this thing
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
