I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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