Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize