Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
