i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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