he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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