one two three fourrrrnication!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish i was in the wii world.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize