you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize