I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
