the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
