It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm too high and old for this...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
