she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
