a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
