apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
