He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
