things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
