I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It was confusing and full of hummus
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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