I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
