and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
