Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize