what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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