do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
