If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
