My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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