There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
