It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
