I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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