The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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