I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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