Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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