He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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