When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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