Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
