In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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