i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
