I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
