No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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