office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
