When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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