I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
