so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
