It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
