Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
