dude i'm inner monologue high
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
