dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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