Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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