I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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