..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
