I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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