Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
