I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Enjoy the penises
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize