I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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