She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
