do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
