my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm too high and old for this...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
