He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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