Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
