WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
