Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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