i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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