put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize