She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Someone signed my nipple.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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