you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
