i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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