you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
