Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
third nipple confirmed
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
