maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
