a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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