They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
