I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
