Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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