I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize