If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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