Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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