So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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