Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
