When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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