Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize