Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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